Today’s humor piece over at Just Laugh was a bit of a rant about everyone’s beloved Christmastime tradition, the Elf on a Shelf.

And how much I hate him. 😀

The thing is, thinking about it made me realize that it’s not even the goofy act of putting him in different scenarios each night for the kids to find that bugs me – that’s a neat idea and I’ve actually seen some pretty creative ones appear in my Facebook feed from time to time. I could totally see myself getting into those wacky hijinks if it wasn’t for one simple, solitary problem…

The elf doll is one of the creepiest dolls that I’ve ever seen.

How the designers settled on this face as somehow cute and lovable and jolly is beyond me because as far as I’m concerned, little Kringle or Jingle or whatever you decide to name yours is an abomination to all of the perfectly not creepy elves that have existed in popular culture throughout the years…

Instead, we got stuck with this creepy, little bastard hiding in our sock drawers and snorting all of our miniature marshmallows while the kids are trying to sleep…

Chop off that head and replace it with a 3D printed copy of Link or Legolas or even Hermey and I’ll happily play along with this little charade every last night until Santa himself appears to take this abomination with him back to the North Pole where he belongs, but as long as he’s looking like that … stay away from my shelves, you creep-o!